Skæbne, destiny, destinée. I write the same word in the order I´ve learned to speak the different languages. My mother language is danish, dansk. Which I looove. Because this is how I communicate with my family and friends in Denmark, when I speak dansk, it makes me feel like home. This is the language I´ve yelled at my brothers at, said "jeg elsker dig" and dreamed in. Now when I´m abroad, I see it totally different than I did before. I see my culture, my country and values in life. And you know what?? I´m proud of being a dansker.
Destiny for me is a word that tells my life. Destiny is why I am where I am today. And it´s a story I would like to tell. Well, I´ve always wanted to go as an exchange student in the United States, but things happened and my parents couldn´t afford to send me as an exchange. So I changed my plans, and I was okay. Because it was home, and I didn´t have to leave my family and start a "new" life in a strange country and speak an other language, and do something unknown.
But as I said, my life is based on the destiny. The fate wanted that my grandfather suddenly offered that he payed with a fund he had. That was the moment where my life changed, I took the chance and said "Yes". Cause you have to take chances in life, otherwise you stand still. And I had to do it, to be who I wanna be, who I am.
Time passed, and I got more and more nervous. I´m the kind of person who probably think to much, so I was worried about if something would happen to my grandparents, my family or friends while I was abroad. The destiny stepped in, and my granddad (who I was the most worried about) fell on his bicycle, and after he got really sick. He had to go in a dialyse (to rens the blod) to get well, but he said no to life. He lost the love of his life for about 10 years ago, and he missed her every single day. Every day he went to the cemetery. And for special occasions he brought flowers. White roses, cause that´s her favortie. And he knew, because he loved her. See that´s a REAL lovestory.
My grandfather died the day after my birthday 2011, I spent my birthday where I wanted to spent it, by his side, holding his hand, and see his body struggle for life. That evening, my birthday, was the last time I saw him a live. I knew it. It was just like he gave my hand a squeeze, even though he wasn´t able to communicate or move. But I could feel it. And when I walked out of the room, I cried so bad, cause I knew it was the last time I saw him a live.
After I started to doubt even more if I wanted to go to Canada. I was in love. I got a boyfriend like one week before my granddad died. It was something I had wished for, for a very long time. And I had to leave the guy I loved for something I didn´t even knew what was. Something I couldn´t relate to. But I did it, because I had to do it. I didn´t really knew if it was for me, my parents or my granddad when I left. But now I know it was for me. And I´m sure it´s the destiny. My destiny.
I always wondered when people said "when one life ends, a new begins". But now I know what it means. My grandfather gave me my life. He gave me the greatest gift of all. He gave me the world. He gave me a new way of seeing life, seeing the day. He really indeed gave me my life. Not just the fact that I´m a live and breathing, that´s one thing. But life as LIVING my life. LIFE! And he made me who I wanna be, who I am.
He´s the reason why I´m here - why I´m living!!!
...and I´m sure that he´s the rays from the sun that get through the clouds and shines on me.
- Emilie Schwartzlose Madsen
I had to write this down, not for anybody, but for myself.