onsdag den 22. februar 2012

After


I didn´t know how to write something after I wrote For Molly. Nothing seemed good enough, or okay. And I couldn´t find the words for something appropriate. I talked to my dad. And he said nothing seems appropriate after a topic like that. It´s a life. And he also said that´s just the way life is. Life goes on, and we have to move on at one point. We have to smile, laugh, love and live again. Otherwise our soul will die. Even though, that at one point, we can´t see joy and smiles in life. We don´t understand why everybody smiles when we´re so miserable. And nothing seems fair.

But the fact that we move on, dosen´t mean we forgot about the pass. We just accepted it, and learned how to live with it.




onsdag den 15. februar 2012

For Molly

I don´t know how to write this, I don´t even know how to say it.
I just heard a friend, a beautiful girl say the words "I can´t bare the thought about seeing everyone with their fathers, but mine may not be there". Her dad has cancer. And today she told me that the treatment is not working. I can´t imagine how hard it must be. It´s her dad, her father, son pére. She always have the hope that he will be cured. And she always has a smile on her face. But that smile isn´t the same as before anymore now. But I´m sure she will smile again. Live again, and have a long, happy and beautiful life. And her dad will always be in her heart.
  
I didn´t see my dad for 6 months, and I would really like to give him a hug right now, cause you never know when it´s too late. But don´t fear either. If you always think "what if", you won´t live the moment. And maybe that moment is the last.

I sent all my thoughts to Molly and her family, and pray for a miracle.

After I wrote this, I talked to Molly. She said there is an last option, with a hope for her dad´s life in her eyes. And she also said "c'est la vie" that´s life. I think she´s the bravest girl in the world.

tirsdag den 14. februar 2012

Valentine

I wish I could write a lovely blog about valentine, and tell you it´s a day, even when youre single, to celebrate love. But to be honest I think that´s to cliché, and to be even more honest, I hate this day. So far I´ve always been single at valentines. And so far I´ve spent all my valentines in my bed, with some "bland-selv-slik" and sex and the city. But this year is different, or.... not really. Well here in Canada and Québec, it´s a way bigger deal than it is in Denmark. People got roses, chockolade and cards at school today. If you have a girlfriend here, you don´t even consider not given her something, it´s just a part of the game. The school was decorated with hearts and shiny paper when I stepped in this morning, just through it in my face! Everyone was dressed in red, or wore red lipstick.... jesus. I just wanted to go home and have a nice time with Carrie Bradshaw.

 But I was so lucky that my very good friend had bought me a rose. And it made me think. Maybe it isn´t just a day for couple, but a day for friendship and family too. Because that´s the love you will never loose. That´s the love that stays. And when I came home, I opened a present from my family, and from my very bedst friend in Denmark. And both was made with love. So maybe that´s the real love, the love we sometimes should focus more on. Well, I did today. And then I spent my valentine as I´m suppose to. Like I always do. With dansk candy, bland-selv-slik of course, and Nynne as my mom sendt me. It´s classy. It´s Emilie. It´s me.

mandag den 13. februar 2012

søndag den 12. februar 2012

Destiny....

Skæbne, destiny, destinée. I write the same word in the order I´ve learned to speak the different languages. My mother language is danish, dansk. Which I looove. Because this is how I communicate with my family and friends in Denmark, when I speak dansk, it makes me feel like home. This is the language I´ve yelled at my brothers at, said "jeg elsker dig" and dreamed in. Now when I´m abroad, I see it totally different than I did before. I see my culture, my country and values in life. And you know what?? I´m proud of being a dansker.

Destiny for me is a word that tells my life. Destiny is why I am where I am today. And it´s a story I would like to tell. Well, I´ve always wanted to go as an exchange student in the United States, but things happened and my parents couldn´t afford to send me as an exchange. So I changed my plans, and I was okay. Because it was home, and I didn´t have to leave my family and start a "new" life in a strange country and speak an other language, and do something unknown.
But as I said, my life is based on the destiny. The fate wanted that my grandfather suddenly offered that he payed with a fund he had. That was the moment where my life changed, I took the chance and said "Yes". Cause you have to take chances in life, otherwise you stand still. And I had to do it, to be who I wanna be, who I am.

Time passed, and I got more and more nervous. I´m the kind of person who probably think to much, so I was worried about if something would happen to my grandparents, my family or friends while I was abroad. The destiny stepped in, and my granddad (who I was the most worried about) fell on his bicycle, and after he got really sick. He had to go in a dialyse (to rens the blod) to get well, but he said no to life. He lost the love of his life for about 10 years ago, and he missed her every single day. Every day he went to the cemetery. And for special occasions he brought flowers. White roses, cause that´s her favortie. And he knew, because he loved her. See that´s a REAL lovestory.
  My grandfather died the day after my birthday 2011, I spent my birthday where I wanted to spent it, by his side, holding his hand, and see his body struggle for life. That evening, my birthday, was the last time I saw him a live. I knew it. It was just like he gave my hand a squeeze, even though he wasn´t able to communicate or move. But I could feel it. And when I walked out of the room, I cried so bad, cause I knew it was the last time I saw him a live.

After I started to doubt even more if I wanted to go to Canada. I was in love. I got a boyfriend like one week before my granddad died. It was something I had wished for, for a very long time. And I had to leave the guy I loved for something I didn´t even knew what was. Something I couldn´t relate to. But I did it, because I had to do it. I didn´t really knew if it was for me, my parents or my granddad when I left. But now I know it was for me. And I´m sure it´s the destiny. My destiny.

I always wondered when people said "when one life ends, a new begins". But now I know what it means. My grandfather gave me my life. He gave me the greatest gift of all. He gave me the world. He gave me a new way of seeing life, seeing the day. He really indeed gave me my life. Not just the fact that I´m a live and breathing, that´s one thing. But life as LIVING my life. LIFE! And he made me who I wanna be, who I am.






He´s the reason why I´m here - why I´m living!!!
...and I´m sure that he´s the rays from the sun that get through the clouds and shines on me.
- Emilie Schwartzlose Madsen

I believe that children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside.
-Whitney Houston

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow; if I fail, or if I succeed at least I did as I believe.
-Whitney Houston



I had to write this down, not for anybody, but for myself.

fredag den 10. februar 2012

Italia

I just saw an amazing movie made in Itali. I can definitely recommend it if youre as great an hopeless romantic as I am. It´s called "Letters to Juliet". It made me think of things I´ve learned here in the french Québec. I´ve learned to appriciate and recognize tasty and lovely wine. Enjoy the tast of an filet mignon cooked reed/raw, filled with the meats sauce, that makes it tasty. The soft feeling of putting a peace of cheese on a baget in my mouth. And with some fresh grapes and wine, this is actually beautiful. But you have to choose the right cheese, and wine. That´s really important!
  It also made me think of life, my life. And love, oh sweet love. And I thought about something.
A word is a word until it´s not, a promise is a promise until it´s not, love is love until it´s not. I hate and adore theese three sentence. Because they hurt as hell - but when you get out on the other side, youre much stronger and wiser than before. And you know that is was love you had, so don´t through it a way, but keep it as a memory.


Now all I wanna do is go to Italia. Listen to Italiano, and watch their body language. When I first came here, I could say "bonjour, je m'appelle Émilie, je dix-sept ans" and the most important when youre a stranger in a new country "merci". So the body language was how I could see if someone was happy, sad, angry or in love. It´s the funny think about love, you can´t hide it. Maybe you can try to hide it from yourself, but not from anybody else.

torsdag den 2. februar 2012

A new chapter has begun

For about one week ago, I found my self writing the last words of a 5 months long chapter, ready to put the last point, and start on a new page. It was one of many amazing nights. It´s one of theese nights I´ll never forget. I was with wonderful people, we drank excellent wine, eat organic chees (as I loooove), that had never tasted that good before. Grapes, nuts and so on. We listened to french songs, Robert Charlebois. I laughed the WHOLE night. It´s a speciel feeling when you sit there between an end, a new begining, laughter and life. I haven´t felt more lucky for a long time.

The feeling of writing the last page of a chapter. I changed my family this weekend because it´s a part of my exchange year. And it had been 5 months filled with so many experiences and new ways looking at life. I always dreamed about having a big family, and now I have. I have 5 sisters and 1 brother in my first family here, and 3 sisters and 1 brother in my currently family. Canada gave 10 brothers and sisters. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I only wrote a few pages of my new chapter in my life. Why is it people (including myself) call it "writing a chapter"? Like as if someone would read it. Well people kind of do. The people who sees you grow, as a person and a human, knows what´s written in your book of life. But only YOU know why you did what you had to do. And those who really loves you, they won´t even care go back and read your written chapters.
I love living life, even the bad part of life, cause it´s life - and it´s beautiful.
-Emilie Schwartzlose
La Vendimia - mmmhmmm...

Eight different organic cheeses! (LOVE)

El bon homme :-)

A plait with Québec love

onsdag den 1. februar 2012

Sickness....


I have now been sick since saturday... and it´s killing me! It hurts in every corner of my body. I have absolute no energy at ALL. And I´m getting insane, just lying in my bed all day...
I always think it would be so nice if there wasn´t sickness and diseases. But on the other hand, I actually think its a good thing. You realise all the things you can do when you´re not sick. And you appriciate it. It´s so important to stop up some times and appreciate what you have. Otherwise you take if for granted. You take life for granted.

Normally when I´m sick I always call my grandma. And we talk about all and everything. I have just learned to appriciate my grandma. I sent her an e-mail, saying I´m sick, what I´m doing in the weekend and how I am. But its just not the same. I want to hear her voice. Maybe that´s what I want when I´m alone lying in my bed sick. Just hearing the voice of my grandma helps me feel better.

But a day in bed, even when I´m really sick, is also a chance for my soul to recover. I have time to talk to my family and friends. Normally I don´t have to much time to talk to them, if I´m doing something in the weekend. And when there´s thousands of miles between you and your heart, you have to stop up, and fill it with the love from home. I indeed love and enjoy my life here, but I couldn´t do it without knowing my family and my friends are still there. For me it´s a quality to have a day, even though I´m really sick, to have some time to talk to everyone who´s in my heart every single day.
A little something to recover